Category Archives: Just Do It!

Words That Are Left Unsaid

My friends, it feels like forever since I have blogged. Words that left unsaid

How are you? I hope you are doing great!

Many things have happened since during this window of time:

I started on a new job.

I proposed to my girlfriend

I got older.

But are those the reasons? No, they are at best excuses, I simply stopped.

I let my little whisper got to me: “You got a new job, you got to focus on the work, you need to spend more time on yourself. The blog can wait.” So that’s happened, I stopped.

But I am back! While I was spending time away from the blog, my heart spoke……..

Today I am going share with you what my heart told me through this article:

My friends, as I have mentioned before I am part of the toastmasters movement. Toastmasters is an international non-profit educational organization that operates clubs worldwide to help people with their public speaking, communication and leadership skills. Members can develop themselves by doing the following at club meetings: delivering prepared speeches, speaking on a random topic or simply by taking on appointments. One of such appointment role is that of a language evaluator, or grammarian, this appointment holder listens attentively during the club meeting and points out the great usage of the English language used as well as the mistakes made and how it can be corrected.

I took up this appointment recently, and there is this particular category of mistakes that I typically to point out: “Missing words in the sentence”. In this particular meeting, I heard someone said this: “If you do not know the toilet, its straight ahead” Did the person meant that if you do not know the toilet, we got to introduce ourselves to it? At that point, I had this imagine of myself walking up to the toilet and saying: “Hi, you must be toilet. I am Shaun, nice to meet you!”

However we should always look at the larger context, and we will know that the friendly toastmaster was trying direct us to the toilet. To complete the sentence and make it right, all we need to do is to add the missing words. Once we added “Where” and “Is”, and the sentence will be correct: “If you do not know where toilet is, its straight ahead.”

Through this example, we can see that in communication, we often focus on the reducing the number of missing words as it could cause embarrassment. However lets be honest here, as long as we understand the context, its likely that we would still be able to understand what the person is saying even if a couple of words are left out.

What about words that are left unsaid?

My friends, have you ever had the burning desire to saying something, but you held back because you felt its embarrassing, or you felt you might hurt someone.

Have you ever been hurt, cause someone to be hurt, felt a sense of regret because of words that are left unsaid?

Let me share with you an incident that happened in my first year with Singapore Airlines, as part of my job I had to write memos or papers to management, and the document had to be vetted by my manager. Through out the course of the year, I never received much comments from my boss on my memos.

That was until the day of my appraisal, my boss said this: “Shaun, you need to improve your writing skill, its written in a casual style, management may not like it.”

I am shocked “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?

My manager: “Well….just change your writing style moving forward”

My friends, had my manager told me about this earlier, I would have adapted my writing style to suit the management’s preference, and not only change one year after I have joined the company.

My boss was probably trying to avoid “hurting” my feelings by not giving me feedback.That being said he probably caused me much more damage in the long run as this affected my appraisal.

While I gave an example from work, but it can apply to relationships as well.

Have you ever found someone that you like but you lack the courage to say :”I like you.”

My friends, its important to say the things that matters, someone might get hurt and that someone could be you. That being said: Don’t take what I written here as license to say whatever you want, whenever feel you like it.

Its just as  important to tamper what you say with tact. After all, you are just trying to be helpful to the situation, and it does not help if anyone gets hurt or embarrassed.

Just a couple of tips:

1) Talk to a person on a one to one basis, you do not want the whole world to know. Also if you are confessing, you don’t want the everyone to know that you failed.

2) Check the mood of the person as well, if you trying to confess, do it when the person is feeling good, if the person has just been scolded and feeling angry, you don’t go and say: “I like you, will you be my girlfriend.”

3) Be selective in the words you use, when giving feedback: Instead of saying “you suck”,  you can perhaps use the following: “I noted that you want to achieve …. to help you achieve your goals perhaps you can do…. Note that I did not use the words “should” or “must”, which can be domineering and may invoke the “Why should I do it, are you my mum?” mentality. Instead when we use words like “perhaps”, “you can”, “I suggest”, we give the other party choices and such feedback is easier to accept.

My friends, words that are left unsaid may leave someone less off, be it you or another person. Let that be the fear that overrides all other fears, such as that rejection. Say what you need to say, but say it with compassion and tact. That is the also the reason why I am back, my heart tells me that: Wisdom that is not used or tapped, is as good as not having it. Wisdom that are not shared, is as good as words that are left unsaid.

Shaun

Your fellow human being:)

 

Just Do It!

Have you had moments where you know you need to do something, but you Just Do It!procrastinated?

Have you had moments where you are about do something, but your mind keeps coming up with excuses, reasons, or excuses not to do it?

If you do, that have happened to me too! In fact, they happen to me all the time!

Often I would tell myself: “Relax, I still have time.” But before you know it, the deadline is just around the corner!

If its my own commitments, I would tell myself: “Hey, no one would know right?”

I would then procrastinate on exercising, studying, and even updating my blog!

The truth is: There is someone who knows. That someone is: Ourselves.

Often when after I procrastinate, the sense of guilt will creep into my heart, and I will feel bad about it. Does that happens to you too?

 

Recently, I started observing what I procrastinate on. Then I realize that they are things which I am most uncomfortable about doing, things which I term as “troublesome”. It can be replying an difficult email, or doing something which requires me to learn something new, or simply something which I am fearful of.

Yes, I procrastinate on doing things which makes feel uncomfortable, as what I shared in the article “Fear Sense”, when we feel uncomfortable, its probably something worth doing.as it expands our comfort zone.

About a month ago, I started having a daily “Just Do It” item. This item is something which I am uncomfortable in doing. It might be to reply to an difficult email, or even to say “No” to a request which I don’t want to do.

At first, it felt like a task because I had set a KPI for myself, I had to force myself to do it. But before long, this what I observed, it became quite natural for me to deal with matters which earlier on made me uncomfortable. My comfort zone had expanded!

Today, my “Just Do It” item, is to do spring cleaning of my room, its painful as I haven’t done that for ages. I found old letters and documents dated years ago which are no longer needed! I started the spring cleaning at 3.30 pm and I only finished at 8.30 pm. At the end of which, I felt exhausted, spent and yet at the same time satisfied. Piles of documents are now, cleared from my desk and cabinets!

Do you have a list of items which you have long procrastinated on, or felt uncomfortable about doing? Be it learning something new, calling someone whom you haven’t done so in ages, or simply saying “No” to things which you don’t want to do. If you do, why don’t you do one each day?

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do one thing that scares you everyday.” When we “Just Do It”, we stretch like a rubber band. Like a rubber band that has been stretched, once the tension been released, the rubber band is no longer the same as it once was, it grows bigger. Likewise we are no longer the same. we have expanded our comfort zone!

What is your “Just Do It” item for the day?

Shaun

Your fellow human being:)