Have these heartaches caused you to develop a fear that your hard work will go down to waste?
Have the fear of failure stopped you from starting or continuing the things you wanted to do?
Last Friday, I had a restaurant toastmaster chapter meeting, after the meeting I had an opportunity to chat with a club member which I haven’t bonded for a long time. We spoke on relationship, and he asked: “Shaun do you want to listen to my love story?” I said: “Of course” and as he finished his story, it reminded of me of my life…
Every once in a while I will beat myself up, especially when things don’t seem to work my way. I don’t mean beating myself physically. (I am a vain person after all).
I bashed myself up mentally: “Maybe I am not worthy. What’s the point on working so hard, I will either fail or if I succeed, I will not receive any recognition”
I will go all emotional, and feel down for a day or 2. During these periods, my girlfriend will be heart broken as she sees only a shadow of what I used to be, she will try to counsel me. “Don’t beat yourself up please, you are a wonderful person. Things will work out…..”
I wanted the attention of my girlfriend, at the same time I wanted shut myself in. “You are just consoling me. You know I am lousy.”
It will take some time but after I work off the emotions, I will slowly get back on the track of recovery. While I will recover, scars have been left in my psychic: “Maybe I am not worthy of success. Why try when I will fail?” The fear of failure will be planted in my mind, which in turn lead me to fear hard work.
How has this got to do my friend’s love story? Let me share with that with you.
“Shaun, I first met Pamela who was a fellow volunteer, in an event, we didn’t really talk but she left an impression. The following week, my colleagues decided to drive out for lunch instead of eating at the in-house canteen. I saw her! I approached her and we chatted briefly, and we exchanged contacts. Soon after we met up for lunch, and the rest is history.”
I asked him: Why did you approach her?
My friend replied: It felt right. I was looking for my other half. She turned up! I wanted to see where this would take us. As I looked back, its amazing how things worked out: How she turned up for the event where we first met, how I happened to be working at my previous company at that point, how my friend decided to drive out that very day?”
I said: “Wow, how things got stringed together, to be so precise. At the same time, it was also critical that you recognized that the moment was right and acted accordingly.”
What I learnt from this sharing by my friend:
Keep a goal in mind, work hard at it, if things don’t turn out the way as expected, and the heartache sets in. Its absolutely normal to feel the fear of this pain of heartache and the fear of failure.
What if the failure, is not a failure? What if the experience is there to teach a lesson? What if the experience is there to help shape the success into the way its meant to be. What if the experience(s) is a built up to the moment, the key moment, which is to be seized and grabbed. The moment that will lead to success.
I pledge that instead of beating myself up when things don’t turn out well, I will ask myself: “What is the lesson?” and persevere in doing what I do, while incorporating the lesson learnt. While looking to pounce on the all important window of opportunity for success.
What about you? What would you do when things don’t turn out the way you expected?
To a successful life!
Your fellow human being:)